Monthly Archives: August 2012

A Year Later, For Nana

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My dear Nana, it has been a year

Since you left and went up to the sky

Months have passed

Since we last looked into your eyes

Yet all around us,

Thoughts of you remain

Many memories that we

Recall again and again.

 

Our love continues to grow stronger

Despite our being apart

We carry on without you Nana,

But you’re always in our hearts…

 

Your laugh we do not hear,

Each and every day

The smell of your perfume,

It starts to fade away

The smile upon your face

The warmth of your embrace

What we wouldn’t give

To stop and hear you say

A kind word or two,

In your special way

 

We know that you would want us

To live our lives each day

To carry on despite your passing

To find, in life, our way…

 

That’s not always easy,

We’re sure you know that too

Because without you Nana,

Our lives have changed, it’s true.

But we give a solid effort

To make each day the best

And let go of our sadness,

Our heartache and the rest…

Because you have gone before us

And now are watching down

An angel up in heaven

Your presence all around.

 

We hope my dearest Nana,

You look down and see

Each and every one of us

Your entire family

As we continue on

And go on with our lives

We hope that your influence

Shapes, guides and revives

 

We hope you understand

That the tears that fill our eyes

Are for the happy times we had with you,

They’re not due to your demise

We hope you rest now comfortably

Among the stars so bright

And your influence continues on

Every day and night.

 

A year has passed

And yet it seems so short

Like only yesterday

We sat upon your porch

Talking about the way

Things used to be

Thinking about the future

And the world we may see

 

Somewhere down the line

We’ll meet again with you

We’ll share an embrace

And a memory or two

But until the time has come

We thank you for who you were

Our amazing Nana

None compare to her.

 

Remembering Nana – who went to heaven on August 18th, 2011.

A Letter To Nana

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Please do not be worried

Although your time was hurried

You fought so hard, held on so long

From our hearts, you never will be gone.

 

There are many memories

that we could gladly share.

Lots of happy times

many with you there.

Holidays, Anniversaries,

and birthdays planned with care.

But most of all, my dear nana,

I’ll remember you with grandpa,

such a happy pair.

 

His eyes lit up

When you entered a room

Whenever he was away

He couldn’t return too soon

With a sweet and gentle nature

Through sick and of course in health

Grandpa stayed beside you

Never worrying about himself.

 

You touched us all and played

A very special part

In every life you entered

Right from the very start

We all feel an emptiness

That will never quite be filled

A longing for your company

That just cannot be stilled.

 

Your strong sense of pride

Ingrained from deep inside

Your caring sense and tendency to worry

Your occasional fire

and red-headed fury

 

These are all the things

We know to be true

They’re important traits we

Came to love in you.

 

Our hearts are filled

Knowing on this day

That you’ve gone now to rest

And things will be okay

 

So please do not be worried

For you have not gone far

We have gathered around you

And see you in the stars

 

For a time to come

There will be flowing tears

We’ll find a way to grieve

And some will face their fears

 

But you’ll be watching down

From somewhere up above

And I know you will continue to

Surround us with your love

 

A grandma’s love is like no other

There simply is no match

Its something so contagious

We want every-one to catch

 

So go now my amazing grandma

Go and take a rest

One day we’ll come to join you

Of this I would not jest

 

Sleep now and dream

But please do not be stressed

Because for having known you

Each of us are Blessed.

Your family now surrounds you

Standing hand in hand

Comforting each other, remembering,

The way only families can.

 

For Nana – who went to heaven on August 18th, 2011.

30 – New Beginnings

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It’s been awhile since I’ve sat down to write, again. What can I say? It comes in spurts!

Almost a month ago, I turned 30. As my birthday approached, I was in many aspects, truly dreading it. But 30 has come… and gone… and I’m still here… 30 feels a lot like 29… but in my particular situation, it’s been a hell of a lot better than 29.

To date, I’ve lost nearly 50 lbs, and continue to work at the life changes I’ve implemented. I have cut more than 6 inches off my waistline, changed my diet, implemented a routine, and I’m learning to have fun again. I don’t think my stress level has been this low… well… ever. haha. I’m continually learning, taking things in stride, and looking for opportunities around every corner to better myself.

The results have not gone unnoticed. I sincerely appreciate the comments by those around me when they take just a minute to say “Wow, TJ, you look great. You have definitely lost weight, and you just look all around happier.”

That truly helps cement my mentality – no looking back. Continue to move forward. Take those lemons that life threw at you and make a lemon drop daquiri! Okay, maybe a lemonade will suffice. 🙂

I know that the changes I’ve begun are no where near coming to an end. I strongly felt it was past time to re-invent myself. So. New adventures abound!

My 30th birthday was a blast – decided to have an 80s party. A throwback to the decade I made my initial mark on this world. I was joined by many old friends, some new ones, and some amazing folks who are like, or actually are family to me. I was able to cut loose… be social, and yeah, celebrate the anniversary of my birth with a large liquid diet.

Following my birthday is my cousin’s birthday. Matt. We are a year and ten days apart, and I’ve decided to refer to him as my brother-cousin. Not only because he is as close to me as any brother truly could be, but because we often have to stop and explain that we are cousins, not actually brothers. So I gave up the repeated explanations – we’ll just be brother-cousins. (Hey, if there can be sister-wives… my analogy is a lot less explanation warranted).

For Matt’s birthday he planned a destination celebration – an all time favorite – Las Vegas. I didn’t really know how I would be able to swing it financially. Again, blessings upon me… my Grandma and Matt split the cost of my plane ticket as a gift for my birthday. My cousin, also quite the avid gambler, had complimentary rooms at the Rio (all suite hotel). So hotel stay and plane ticket were taken care of! Um… I think financially, with these developments, I’m able to make this trip!

I have to admit – I was more excited for a quick weekend in Vegas, than I was for a week-long supposed “once-in-a-lifetime” cruise to the Western Caribbean! This would be the first time Matt and I were in Vegas together without our families with us. Not that we don’t love our family, just this was a new experience and adventure!

To keep true to the old adage – “What happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas” I’m not going to write out details of all the events that took place. So in short – plane landed, out to bar, return to hotel at 6:30 AM, sleep for three hours, get up, go to pool, swim and tan (or burn – first time ever.) Go to show. Show stunk (performer got injured, show got lame). Go out for Matt’s Birthday (in a limo, paid $25.00 to get in club door – ugh.) Return to hotel. Go to sleep at 5:30 AM. Wake up 3 hours later. Go to pool. Gamble, win SITC progressive jackpot (almost 300.00… yeah baby). Go to airport, return to Seattle. But truly – a fantastic trip, as compact weekend trips go!

As July faded away, and August came in to full view, things finally started to calm down again. The summer rush had subsided, the warm weather was here, and my thoughts turned ahead. August 18th will mark the one year anniversary of my Grandma’s death. As a separate post, I’m going to include the creative writings I penned in her honor and in remembrance of her. They are called “A Letter To Nana” and “A Year Later, For Nana.”

Just a little background on “Nana”. That was the word my siblings as I used for my mom’s mother – my grandma. Nana and Bumpa. My dad’s parents were (in accordance with Chamorro (Guamanian) tradition) Nana and Tata (those are abbreviated forms of the words which mean grandma and grandma in the native language of Guam).

Anyways – we will be attending a memorial in observance of the one year mark. I was asked to read the creative writings, but everything inside me tells me I just won’t be able to make it through the readings without breaking down. I let them stand alone as they are – a tribute to an amazing woman who was and always will be my Nana.

That’s the extent of my goings on and life, for now, as it is. I will again close with a quote which has saturated my mind:

“Life is like a game of cards. The hand that is dealt you represents determinism; the way you play it is free will.” -Jawaharal Nehru

Until Next Time….

~Tj