Whew! 2012… definitely a year to remember. In more ways than I can count or remember.

In January, I started out on what was supposed to be the trip of a lifetime. It ended up being the nightmare to end all nightmares. Who would’ve guessed? My then fiance` and I had been planning to take a cruise to the Western Caribbean for almost a year. While the events are unimportant, this trip ended up being the beginning of the end of my 4 1/2 year relationship and engagement.

February was a rough month. I had to sort out my life, my living situation, and adjust to my new circumstances quickly. Emotionally and physically I was drained. I saw no end in sight, and the news just kept getting better.

March was a time for anger. Attempted (and failed) reconciliations, craziness, stone throwing, pain, suffering, finger pointing. Everyone and no one was to blame. March was also a time for change. I needed to regroup. It was time to rediscover myself, my passions, my life, my social side!

I was blessed (there truly is no other word for it — blessed) to have the family that I do. Throughout all the turmoil, change, heartache, stress, and downright trauma – my family was there every step of the way. I’m not saying they are perfect. They are human, afterall. But especially my brother and sister-in-law have been godsends to me. I don’t know how or why life works the way it does, but I’m a firm believer in the saying “God only gives you what he thinks you can handle.” What I think is lacking from that phrase is “he’s also got a built in support system ready for you.”

Then came April, and May. Life is different now. It’s developed meaning, and direction and purpose again. I don’t necessarily have all those nailed down or know exactly where any of them is leading me… but I have that feeling that they are there again. Of course hindsight is always 20/20… and sometimes that look in from the outside seems so obvious. But I was lost, with blinders on. I had no idea what or how I was living before my eyes re-opened.

A little over five weeks ago – we (My brother, sister-in-law, and I) began a journey. We came to a place within our lives. We had waded through a bunch of crap. We emerged on the other side, still standing. All the better, and stronger for it. We knew that we could and should do better for ourselves in this life. We embarked on a new adventure. One to change ourselves, mentally and physically. We started out walking. At first it was a leisurely stroll around our block. Then, as a little time went on, we increased our distance, and speed. With three of us working at it, we were able to push and motivate each other.

I’m excited to report, that here we are in June. Having developed somewhat of a very regular routine. Our group has expanded to include my sister, and scatterings of my nieces and nephews. To date, counting back to January, I have lost a total of 40 lbs. And it keeps coming. This resulted in nearly 4 inches off my waist.

The results are visibly noticeable in all of us. It’s an amazing feeling. We’ve incorporated so many diet changes and habit changes into our lives which have furthered our progress. While we all know there is more to come, and the road ahead isn’t always going to be a smooth and steady one… I’m continually amazed at the support, progress and drive we have to date.

This weighs on me additionally because in a little over a month, I’ll be turning 30. It’s bittersweet in many ways. Looking back five years ago, I would have told you at 30 I planned to be settled down with a significant other, in a house, with my dog and considering expanding my family. I obviously have a very different view of 30 now.

But I think about it like this – it’s not always the destination, or the outcome you imagine, what’s most important is the journey.

So life continues to change and evolve, and truly get better all the time. And I’m working to not dread turning the big 3-0, but rather take it in stride, embrace it. 30 is shaping up to be an amazing year in my life. 30 isn’t the end of a journey, but the beginning…

Again, I say that I am blessed to have an amazing family. It’s not even that I need them there to hold my hand every step of the way. But it’s beyond comforting to know that if I did need to reach out, there would be a hand to hold me, and lift me up in those times.

I’ve said this time and time again…. but writing has always been an outlet for me… it is within my thought process now to get back to writing once again. There was a lot in my head I needed to clear out first…

Many months ago (and probably truthfully years) I started writing a book. Based on my life and experiences. For a long time, because I thought I needed to mold my life around another, I stepped away from writing. After my grandma passed away, approaching a year ago now, I sat down and began to add to it again, but my focus was lacking.

I was too caught up in the drama that was my life, and the trauma of her passing. I tend to write, edit, re-write, re-edit, and re-re-write on a very regular basis. So it will be a work in progress for some time… but one that I plan very shortly to get back to.

Even after writing this short “update” I feel more clarity of mind. It’s like knowing my path was always there, and I was walking on it from time to time, but often it was in darkness… now I have a flashlight, and can better see my way through.

I think I will close out this entry with a final thought on the last six months… a quote I read and posted on facebook – “You can’t start the next chapter in your life if you continue to re-read the last one”

Until next time…..

~Tj